I was kicked out of debate club for arguing...

I wrote a letter this morning that may ensure that some people never speak to me again.

If that’s how it goes, so be it.

Many people are afraid to stand up and say what they think. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because what they think might not stand up to scrutiny.

I’ve been accused of being blunt. From some, it a compliment. From others, it’s an accusation.

I like a good debate. If you think I’m wrong, just tell me. I can deal with it. Those are the qualities of my favorite people…unafraid to argue their point with the assurance that we will remain friends.

Even if when they’re wrong. Or when I am.

Love letter, sort of...

The polygamists are in the news again.

I think the media’s fascination with the polygamists is that they can’t believe everyone involved isn’t stark-raving mad. They may be right.

First of all, there are multiple mother-in-laws. Now I have a great mother-in-law, but the law of averages dictates that you are going to get a bad one 50% of the time. At least. And you don’t think they’d complain (the bad ones) about you having more than one wife? Even the good ones might complain about that. And the bad ones would poison the good ones against you. Count on that.

Then, there is the entire 12-day a month the world is coming to an end theory. This means that a little less than half the time, things aren’t right and you may be to blame. So, no matter what, someone is mad (or disappointed or just plain crazy) almost all of the time.

Paper products. You’d need a warehouse.

Good luck with the toilet seat debate.

And when it’s time for a polygamist to go out and recruit another one, how does he break it to the others? This must be an interesting conversation.

And wedding rings…do you order them in bulk?

As for me, I’m not interested in having more than one woman (wife) at a time mad at me. Or happy with me, for that matter.

I’m thrilled with the one I’ve got.

Divorce sucks...

I have kept my mouth shut for a long time on this one. It may be a record.

My friend is out of work. We don’t need to pass the hat…he has been blessed, deservedly so, I think.

But he didn’t work for the money, really. He led a church that I attended for many years. He told me the truth and expected it from me.

His leaving has seen people who sat next to each other in church for years, who ate dinner together and who shared their lives separate.

He didn’t ask them to separate, but the reasons given (or not given) for him leaving are vague and contentious. The ruling body (we are Presbyterians) found that there are no chargeable offenses by either the elders of the church or him. This is good news. We knew it all along, but now we have the backing of an outside ruling body.

There is much being said on both sides. The saddest thing is that there are sides.

I’ve read the thoughts of wise men. On both sides.

I have also read the thoughts of one person who should have the SEND button on their email taken away.

I’ve argued over email. I’ve talked on the phone. I’ve prayed.

But I haven’t worried. They will someday reconcile. I hope it is soon.

Sandra Boynton is more interesting than Daddy...

I was going to write a thing today about a new airline that has appeared in the Dominican Republic called “Take Off!” I had jokes about whether Doug and Bob MacKenzie owned it and before I got on they would have to change their name to “Take off AND Land,” but something else happened.

The fifth-hole at Teeth of the Dog played 156-yards (Blue Tees) yesterday. I selected and 8-iron and swung. It went into the hole.

I brought the scorecard home, but I don’t know what I’ll do with it. There probably won’t be a museum exhibit dedicated to me and if there is, I think the golf accomplishments will be overshadowed by whatever prompted the reason for me being in the museum in the first place.

I told Gracie that I made a hole in one. She asked, “You made a what?”

“A hole in one,” I repeated.

“Why did you do that?” she asked. “Let’s read Snuggle Puppy.”

In this corner...Obama Creed...

I don’t know if this has been said yet, because I didn’t stay up last night and watch the endless drivel that is the coverage of the Obama-Hillary pandering contest.

Hillary’s statement that she is like Rocky (not the squirrel…the guy from the movie) is true in some cases and I hope continues to hold true.

The similarities:
1. Rocky’s brother in law was a ne’er do well alcoholic. Check.
2. Rocky did odd jobs (or whatever it took to get money) for what appeared to be, the mob. Maybe she hasn’t, but if a donation is possible…she would. Check.
3. Rocky got his butt kicked in Pennsylvania by a slick-talking black man. Let’s hope so.

To be fair, the differences:
1. Rocky dressed better.
2. Rocky actually HAD experience…and didn’t need to lie about it.
3. When Rocky got knocked down, he didn’t cry. He just got back up.
4. Rocky didn’t compare himself to whomever the local hero was…not even fictional ones.

I could write more…I’m not an Obama fan. But I prefer a sincerely wrong candidate to an insincere power-mad lunatic.

He did like 28 in a row once...

I’ve been on the lam for more than 20 years.

When I was 19 or so, I rented a trailer with Mike, a guy I graduated high school with. He was the Senior Class President. During commencement, his speech (the President and Valedictorian got to speak) included a hello to his wife and baby.

A couple of years later, he was divorced and living the bachelor life in a trailer park. The fun lasted until Mike got a DUI and lost his license. With no way to get to work (the grocery store he could walk to from the trailer park fired him for stealing beer – his ex-girlfriend turned him in) he had to move back in with his parents and went to rehab, where his legendary talent in the game of “Quarters” just wasted away. Tragic, really.

I guess there was a lease involved with the trailer, but Mike had handled that. I paid the full rent for a few months, but decided to move away and go to college in a town that didn’t have a liquor store every 100 yards or so.

After a few months, the landlady put out a warrant for my arrest for failure to honor a contract. Also, I had left about 30 plastic milk crates that were the backbone of my home entertainment center. The people from Land O’ Lakes wanted to have a chat with me.

To add to it, the week after I left, the post office forwarded a letter to my new address from the Kentucky DMV, telling me my license had been suspended for six months. Something about speeding and points. I think I was framed.

By then, I had already gotten a West Virginia license, so I WAS truthful when I checked the “no” box next to the “is your license currently suspended in another state?” question.

I often wonder where Mike is...

Name this...

“Puedo hablar con Sr. Lopez?” I asked.

“Su nombre, por favor…quien me habla?” She asked…wanting to know who I was. I gave her my name. It’s not an easy name for anyone to understand…it’s a bit unusual. As I found out living in Paris and in the Dominican Republic, it’s a tongue twister for many Americans, but impossible for others.

Que? She asked.

I gave it again. To no avail.

“Habla espanol?” She asked.

Well, I was speaking Spanish at the time, so I answered, “Si.”

“Cual es su nombre en espanol?”

Home for Sale...

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The exceptional lower level (crawl space) boasts spiders, bugs and the occasional snake. There is a spa/treatment (water pik shower head) area, exercise facilities (mostly walking outside), and fabulous electricity. A private fenced-in rear yard is enhanced by trees, a wood pile and gravel driveway.

Well, we like it. Actually, it’s nice. Go to www.thecoxconnection.com

Ask for the “friends of Cayenne Lemonade” discount….

From Dubai to Des Moines...

This ethanol thing is wonderful. Using corn to produce fuel will solve all our problems.

Wrong.

Last I heard, you could use corn for FOOD. Have we solved world hunger yet? Send THEM the corn, if we’ve got so much of it. You want to go tell a kid in Africa he can’t have lunch because someone’s SUV needs to have their tank filled?

Also, what else can you use petroleum for? You can’t eat it. So, I say, use the food for food and the fuel for fuel.

The ethanol scam is an attempt to transfer wealth from Arabs to people who own land in Iowa. I’m not necessarily against that, but don’t tell me you are growing corn to make ethanol to save the environment…you’re doing it to make money.

Pretty soon, we’ll be talking about the price of a barrel of flour.

NASCAR culture...

As a kid, you stood in line a lot. Single file usually.

In the grocery store, I’m usually the guy afraid to go over to the candy aisle (if someone is behind me in line) to get a Snickers bar, for fear of losing my place. It seems fair if you leave the line, you lost your place. That’s what they said at Lincoln Elementary School.

At Lincoln, you couldn’t just let someone cut in line, with the permission of the people behind you. And you couldn’t “save” a place, it just wasn’t fair to the others. There was a code.

(you often did the “double cut”…you let them in front of you, then they do the same…it was a way around the “no back cuts” rule that some kids made…a lawyerish move)

In Latin America, there is no code. In the grocery store and in the street it’s every man for himself and there is no line to stand in, just a mass of people trying to fit through a small space. It's a culture of bullies and con men.

At the grocery store yesterday, I saw a 80ish year old woman elbow a kid in the ribs to get a plantain out of a basket before he could. There were probably 500 plantains in the basket. But she wanted to get there first…she did.

At checkout, you have to make sure there aren’t items in the cart in front of you, even if there are no people…people regularly put their cart in line, go and get more things, then reclaim their spot in line, saying, “I was here first.” Or they put a friend or beleaguered husband in line with a few items while they fill up their shopping basket and then cut in line in front of you.

The only rule seems to be “whatever you can get away with.”