Yesterday, I broadcast a baseball game on the radio between two teams of 7-year olds. But not just any game, it was for the state championship of Tennessee.
Normally, we have a policy against doing "coach pitch" games. But with it being for the state championship (and the fact that right now I'd broadcast a rousing game of parchesi at the old folks home in order to make a few extra dollars) we made an exception.
For me, it was the first time I’d seen one of these games since I played in one.
And from the first pitch to the last out, it was pure excitement. A routine grounder to the pitcher? Not so routine. And the great plays were rewarded with absolute bedlam.
Bats almost as tall as the players, gloves bigger than their heads. And everyone slides into every base…
And if a kid gets hurt…players, coaches, umpires and mom comes to the rescue.
Our team won, 8 to 7. They celebrated with Happy Meals, said “it hadn’t yet sunk in” and drove back home with a police escort leading the way.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
AD COPY
For a job that’s just barley adequate, call Leakey Plumbing. For 25 years, Leakey Plumbing has done the bare minimum for a maximum price.
They’ll take a look at the job that should be done and then do whatever is easiest and gets them out the door the quickest.
So when the people you really want can’t make it, call Leakey Plumbing. They’ll stop up the flow of water, for a while at least.
**
For Pizza made with a mother’s love and a C sanitary rating, it’s Chi Chi’s Pizza.
**
For appliance repair, why call the best when it’s just going to break again? Ed’ll fix it. For now.
**
We’ll keep your damn dog alive until you get home and no one will be the wiser…it’s Daisy’s Dog Sitters!
They’ll take a look at the job that should be done and then do whatever is easiest and gets them out the door the quickest.
So when the people you really want can’t make it, call Leakey Plumbing. They’ll stop up the flow of water, for a while at least.
**
For Pizza made with a mother’s love and a C sanitary rating, it’s Chi Chi’s Pizza.
**
For appliance repair, why call the best when it’s just going to break again? Ed’ll fix it. For now.
**
We’ll keep your damn dog alive until you get home and no one will be the wiser…it’s Daisy’s Dog Sitters!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Exercise machine economics...
Instead of the “redistribution of wealth” program that the government seems bent upon, I think it would be better (and less red tape-ish) if everyone was forced to have a yard sale once a year.
The yard sale prices, would, of course, be less than retail and designed to get rid of stuff at a quick rate. The new law would require that each person sell 17% of their stuff at no more than 25% of the price, which is a better deal that Uncle Obama is going to offer you.
The poor wouldn’t have much to sell and the 17% plan wouldn’t cost them much.
The rich however, would be giving away their stuff to those who could afford it at 25% of the price, i.e. the middle class. The poor would then take advantage of the deals offered by the middle class.
This would do away with the tax code…what you get is what you get but you have to sell 17% of what you own each year…therefore (to not run out of stuff) you’d need to keep buying things and that would help the economy and the manufacturers of new stuff.
There would be new jobs as people would be hired to go around and make sure you are indeed selling 17% of you stuff.
There’d be a run on folding tables and chairs, those labels you use to price stuff and large cardboard signs and felt-tip markers. And sticks to put them in the ground with directing them to your site. Heck, the media might be able to get involved.
And we'd all get to know one another as a blenders and lawn mowers made their way around the county.
The yard sale prices, would, of course, be less than retail and designed to get rid of stuff at a quick rate. The new law would require that each person sell 17% of their stuff at no more than 25% of the price, which is a better deal that Uncle Obama is going to offer you.
The poor wouldn’t have much to sell and the 17% plan wouldn’t cost them much.
The rich however, would be giving away their stuff to those who could afford it at 25% of the price, i.e. the middle class. The poor would then take advantage of the deals offered by the middle class.
This would do away with the tax code…what you get is what you get but you have to sell 17% of what you own each year…therefore (to not run out of stuff) you’d need to keep buying things and that would help the economy and the manufacturers of new stuff.
There would be new jobs as people would be hired to go around and make sure you are indeed selling 17% of you stuff.
There’d be a run on folding tables and chairs, those labels you use to price stuff and large cardboard signs and felt-tip markers. And sticks to put them in the ground with directing them to your site. Heck, the media might be able to get involved.
And we'd all get to know one another as a blenders and lawn mowers made their way around the county.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Taking the temperature into our own hands...
MY COUNTY-- In a landmark agreement, the county will enact legislation to reduce global warming within the county’s borders.
The county will, as of July 31, expel all cows to a neighboring county. In a related ruling, citizens will no longer be able to import or purchase beans in the county. Citizens returning from dining in other counties will be subject to roadside checkpoints. The price of Peppermint Oil will be lowered by 47%, subsidized by the county government.
County and city officials will be asked to ride bicycles to town meetings.
Citizens will be asked to take their plastic bottles to the county line and chuck them as far as they can into a different county.
The county will, as of July 31, expel all cows to a neighboring county. In a related ruling, citizens will no longer be able to import or purchase beans in the county. Citizens returning from dining in other counties will be subject to roadside checkpoints. The price of Peppermint Oil will be lowered by 47%, subsidized by the county government.
County and city officials will be asked to ride bicycles to town meetings.
Citizens will be asked to take their plastic bottles to the county line and chuck them as far as they can into a different county.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I think she remembers the Alamo though...
As most of you figured out almost 8 years ago, Holli has lost her mind.
She keeps asking me to rent movies that we (in the last 8 years) rented and watched already. We watched the same “Cake Boss” episode last night that we watched two weeks ago.
On the bright side, it keeps her from getting bored with what is on. And when I tell her that I did the dishes last night, she believes me.
In all honesty, I think it is the kids. Kids seem to keep parents in a suspended state of just trying to get to the end of the week/day/hour/dirty diaper and they leave little time for pondering either the future or the past.
As for me, I don’t remember not having kids. I don’t remember waking up in the morning without the hot morning breath of a child in my face. I don’t remember what is on TV prior to 7 am that doesn’t have the words “blues” or “clues” in the title. (Actually, I’m not sure I was ever awake prior to 7 am. If I was, I don’t remember that either.)
If I can remember more stuff I can’t remember, I’ll be in touch.
She keeps asking me to rent movies that we (in the last 8 years) rented and watched already. We watched the same “Cake Boss” episode last night that we watched two weeks ago.
On the bright side, it keeps her from getting bored with what is on. And when I tell her that I did the dishes last night, she believes me.
In all honesty, I think it is the kids. Kids seem to keep parents in a suspended state of just trying to get to the end of the week/day/hour/dirty diaper and they leave little time for pondering either the future or the past.
As for me, I don’t remember not having kids. I don’t remember waking up in the morning without the hot morning breath of a child in my face. I don’t remember what is on TV prior to 7 am that doesn’t have the words “blues” or “clues” in the title. (Actually, I’m not sure I was ever awake prior to 7 am. If I was, I don’t remember that either.)
If I can remember more stuff I can’t remember, I’ll be in touch.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
A civilized approach to angling...
Dear Fish,
As I plan to be in your area of the lake next Saturday, I thought I would let you know that I plan to throw a lure (and a hook) in the water in hopes of convincing you to get into the boat with me and a few friends.
At present time, unless you are extremely large or have three eyes, I plan to do nothing more than take you off the hook, hold you up for my friends to see, and then throw you back in the lake where you may resume your daily rounds. We might take a photo, but that would be it.
Without your participation, the day will be nothing more than a boat ride in a circle, drinking lukewarm beer and breathing fumes from the motor. We are certain that you would be enriched by this experience also.
We look forward to (hopefully) working with you.
Sincerely,
Fisherman
As I plan to be in your area of the lake next Saturday, I thought I would let you know that I plan to throw a lure (and a hook) in the water in hopes of convincing you to get into the boat with me and a few friends.
At present time, unless you are extremely large or have three eyes, I plan to do nothing more than take you off the hook, hold you up for my friends to see, and then throw you back in the lake where you may resume your daily rounds. We might take a photo, but that would be it.
Without your participation, the day will be nothing more than a boat ride in a circle, drinking lukewarm beer and breathing fumes from the motor. We are certain that you would be enriched by this experience also.
We look forward to (hopefully) working with you.
Sincerely,
Fisherman
Monday, July 6, 2009
A new respect...
“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”
At some point in my life I thought this was the post office motto, but google has approximately 8 million (give or take a few) people who can’t wait to tell you that this isn’t the motto at all, but instead a greek description of the Persian Post Office, who apparently ran a very tight ship way back in 500 BC.
As tough as these Persians were, I don’t think they can hold a candle to the new tough guy on the block, the SMOKER.
The SMOKER endures the rhetoric of the Government (while paying crazy-high taxes on each pack to it) for the privilege of continuing to be smacked down by laws saying where they can smoke and blamed for high insurance rates. They also must deal with the laid-upon-them guilt of inflicting others with secondhand smoke.
The SMOKER must go outside to smoke, says the collector of the crazy-high taxes. The SMOKER stands out in the elements, braving snow, rain, heat, gloom of night and other people that the SMOKER has nothing in common with save perhaps their brand of tobacco or their future oncologist.
The SMOKER is no longer welcome in diners, bowling alleys or pool rooms. The SMOKER must stand by the back door, all alone, ashing into a coffee cup or heaven forbid, on the ground.
And to them, this sacrifice for vice is worth it. Cheers.
At some point in my life I thought this was the post office motto, but google has approximately 8 million (give or take a few) people who can’t wait to tell you that this isn’t the motto at all, but instead a greek description of the Persian Post Office, who apparently ran a very tight ship way back in 500 BC.
As tough as these Persians were, I don’t think they can hold a candle to the new tough guy on the block, the SMOKER.
The SMOKER endures the rhetoric of the Government (while paying crazy-high taxes on each pack to it) for the privilege of continuing to be smacked down by laws saying where they can smoke and blamed for high insurance rates. They also must deal with the laid-upon-them guilt of inflicting others with secondhand smoke.
The SMOKER must go outside to smoke, says the collector of the crazy-high taxes. The SMOKER stands out in the elements, braving snow, rain, heat, gloom of night and other people that the SMOKER has nothing in common with save perhaps their brand of tobacco or their future oncologist.
The SMOKER is no longer welcome in diners, bowling alleys or pool rooms. The SMOKER must stand by the back door, all alone, ashing into a coffee cup or heaven forbid, on the ground.
And to them, this sacrifice for vice is worth it. Cheers.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Technical knowledge not necessary...I'm proof
Tonight at Music on the Square (a Friday night thing here...we broadcast an hour of the live musical entertainment from 8:15 to 9:15) someone mentioned they were listening to it and the sound needed "more low."
The sound guy (who we plug into to broadcast the music) told me that we needed to "up the low" just a bit.
He asked me if we could do that ("up the low") back at the station.
I told him we couldn't do that.
(it beat asking him what "the low" was...)
The sound guy (who we plug into to broadcast the music) told me that we needed to "up the low" just a bit.
He asked me if we could do that ("up the low") back at the station.
I told him we couldn't do that.
(it beat asking him what "the low" was...)
Thursday, July 2, 2009
My thermos makes me better looking....
According to the internet, there is a correlation between beer consumption and insomnia. It seems that the alcohol dehydrates and then you wake up thirsty and can’t get back to sleep. It is also blamed for nightmares, night sweats, and an incredible knowledge of terrible movies that come on after midnight.
So, for a while, I’m going to abstain from alcohol at night in hopes of getting a good night of sleep someday.
However, the same people (the medical types) tell us that there is also a correlation between beer and a healthy heart. Well, I happen to need a healthy heart. Holli wants me to outlive her.
So, in light of the fact alcohol keeps me awake but is good for my heart, I’m going to start drinking it in the morning.
It will give me the energy to help with Junior Achievement and it will keep me sharp during the day as I see clients and do the news, sports and weather on the air.
So, for a while, I’m going to abstain from alcohol at night in hopes of getting a good night of sleep someday.
However, the same people (the medical types) tell us that there is also a correlation between beer and a healthy heart. Well, I happen to need a healthy heart. Holli wants me to outlive her.
So, in light of the fact alcohol keeps me awake but is good for my heart, I’m going to start drinking it in the morning.
It will give me the energy to help with Junior Achievement and it will keep me sharp during the day as I see clients and do the news, sports and weather on the air.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Our local convenience store...
Got an itch that needs a scratch? Don't fret, come to the Vice Mart! The Vice Mart has everything you need to commit the seven deadly sins, all under one roof!
For lust there's our magazine rack...for greed choose from any one of 45 games from the Tennessee Lottery...for gluttony choose from our aisle of Hormel Products, the beer cooler, the chips and candy aisle or just ask for a pack of Marlboro's.
For pride realize you are better than these losers who spend their time here, checking the daily lotto...and for envy wish you could spend all your time here.
And finally for wrath...grab two red bulls and just seethe as your lucky numbers cost you five more dollars.
And there's so much more, but I don't feel like wasting my time to tell you about it.
Come in today...I'm sure there's something you can wallow in!
For lust there's our magazine rack...for greed choose from any one of 45 games from the Tennessee Lottery...for gluttony choose from our aisle of Hormel Products, the beer cooler, the chips and candy aisle or just ask for a pack of Marlboro's.
For pride realize you are better than these losers who spend their time here, checking the daily lotto...and for envy wish you could spend all your time here.
And finally for wrath...grab two red bulls and just seethe as your lucky numbers cost you five more dollars.
And there's so much more, but I don't feel like wasting my time to tell you about it.
Come in today...I'm sure there's something you can wallow in!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)