When I was in college (I tend to label the years between high school graduation and college graduation as such, and it’s only a minor violation of the truth) I got into a war of nasty practical jokes with a guy we’ll call Bill.
Bill had a girlfriend…that had been the girlfriend of a good friend and he kind of stole her away from him. I don’t know why this angered us (the friends of the guy) so much, but we were mad at the both of them (the girl and Bill).
One day at the Dairy Queen, I said so to a friend of hers. The news got back to her and she told her boyfriend and he came to see me. After about 10 seconds, I told him to get out of my house. Unbeknownst to me at the time, a friend of his was letting the air out of my tires. It was officially now 2 on 1.
So I got two friends (to make it 3 on 2) and we borrowed letters from signs around town and left him a message at a convenience store near his house. I don’t remember exactly what it said, but it wasn’t “have a nice day.”
We take time out from this riveting story for the Real Country Music lyric of the day.
Cook me up some bacon and some beans.
And go out to the car and change the tire.
Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.
Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,
And then go fetch my slippers.
And boil me up another pot of tea.
Then put another log on the fire, babe,
And come and tell me why you're leaving me.
Back to the saga…
He then put a dead animal in a box and delivered it disguised as a Christmas present to my house.
So my two friends and I did the only thing we could do. We planted a tree in his yard. We got a tree out of the woods and went to his house in the middle of the night and planted it.
A few months later, he and his family figured out that they didn’t know how the tree got in his yard (they each thought the other had planted it).
We had gotten the last shot in, but he didn’t even realize it for months.
And that ended the war. I guess our response was so weird that he couldn’t think of a way to answer it.
