For the third time in the last 20 or so years, I've been asked to pee in front of an audience.
It seems that the boy is ready to use the facilities and I have been asked to lead the expedition. I shall take with me M&M's as provisions and use them as reward should a "buen exito" (Spanish for success and quite appropriate for the occasion, it seems) occur.
One other time I was asked to perform this service was in 1990 or so when I went to work at Wal-Mart for the summer. Yes, that's right, ALL the people you see working there PASSED a drug test. Anyway, after my resume checked out, I was sent to take the test at a local clinic. Helping me (and verifying my actual participation in the test) was a huge black lady who was delightful company (despite the circumstances) and joked that I should have brought some Budweiser when the inevitable stage fright occurred. However, with a monster ice tea from Wendy's, I was quickly on my way to cleaning up spills on aisle four and helping little old ladies carry 128 ounce boxes of detergent to their car.
The last time was in the Dominican Republic. The test was in Spanish, but I found the door marked "hombres" and was found to be clean.
But tomorrow I shall pee with more sincerity that ever previous. This is my offspring we are talking about. However, it is rather amazing to me I was asked to do this, since my aim (according to my wife) is less than what she hoped for when she said "I do."
I guess my reply should have been, "Well I do, but not a hundred percent of the time."
