I’ve noticed lately that everyone seems to have an “Out of Office Reply” thing on their email. It always tells me when they will return and what to do if I have an emergency. In my line of work, an emergency is needing a discounted rate or a tee time six months from now. We are not rushing donated organs to the transplant clinic. But you wouldn’t know it.
People keep sending me emails with the “Urgent” exclamation point on it. I don’t know if this means that I need to hurry up or that they wished they had asked sooner. Anyway, depending on my mood, it either makes me chuckle to think we have a “Golf Emergency” or makes me want to throw a brick through the computer screen. Sorry, this is YOUR emergency, not mine. I’ll answer your request in 24-48 hours, just like I do for the polite people and those who planned ahead of time.
With that said, I have come up with an out of office reply I shall begin using with requests that are marked “URGENT”:
“We will be either in or out of the office today. Regardless, we will NOT answer your tee time request today, unless it benefits US to do so. Please untie the noose from the rafters, put down the bottle of Drano, and rest assured your answer will be sent within 24-48 hours, just like we do for people who don’t have delusions of self-importance. If you believe this is an emergency and you think you need immediate assistance, seek professional psychiatric help.”
This should get some results.
