La Romana, DR -- Senator George Mitchell’s steroid report sent shock waves through the Casa de Campo community when it was revealed that a local father of two had been taking performance enhancing drugs during the 2006 family season.
“We found phone records, bank receipts, ZERO candy bar wrappers and discarded drug boxes that proved Mr. ___________ was guilty of taking a performance enhancing substance,” Mr. Mitchell said. “There is no doubt of his guilt.”
Mitchell further went on to explain Mr. __________’s performance leap as a father and husband was the starting point of the investigation.
“We noticed that he was changing diapers, telling his wife how beautiful she was even when she had clothes on and doing the dishes regularly,” explained Mitchell. “That’s when we knew to make him the target of an investigation.”
Particularly damaging to Mr. ___________’s case was the testimony of family friend Ed _________. The recently clean-shaven Ed explained to a grand jury that during his wife’s recent pregnancy, Mr. ___________ quit drinking beer in deference to his wife. “We couldn’t believe it. We knew then he must be on the juice.”
Other friends testified that Mr. _______________ was spending more time at home, eating less garlic, reading self-help books and leaving the toilet seat down.
Contemporaries expressed their anger at Mr. ______________ for what they call, “cheating the system.”
“I’m sure I could watch Lifetime TV too, if I were on the stuff,” stated Bill _________.
Once seemingly a lock for the World Husband Hall of Fame, Mr. _________________'s candidacy is now in serious doubt.
Mrs. ________________, reportedly eating grapes while being fanned by Mr. ____________, was unavailable for comment.
