DECLARATION OF Mr. ______________'s DIGESTIVE SYSTEM:
We, the digestive system of Mr. ____________ file request for this action. We have personal knowledge of the facts set forth in this declaration and can testify competently thereto.
The abuse Mr. _____________ has placed upon us in the recent days requires immediate restraint and must desist.
On February 6, 2008, Mr. ____________ ate nothing but Pizza and drank nothing but beer for dinner. On his pizza, he put an inappropriate amount of hot pepper flakes.
On February 7, 2008, Mr. ___________ drank nothing but Cayenne Lemonade and beer. He ate nothing other than rice for lunch and hot bratwurst for dinner. At Poker later that night, he ate two more bratwurst at the house of a friend, causing undue stress.
In light of this, we request the following:
By this action, Mr. _________ is mandated to stay at least 50 feet from anything with a sausage casing for a period of not less than 14 days. He must eat vegetables. He must drink at least 64 ounces of water (without Cayenne Pepper in it) per day.
Breach of this action will cause backlash even more catastrophic than the events of the morning of February 8, 2008, where Mr. ___________ was heard to promise a reformation in dietary habits while doubled over in pain and under extreme duress.
However, we have heard this one before.
We declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct. Executed on February 8, 2008.
