Milwaukee— Remains found in the excavation of an old bowling alley this past week are being seen as proof that man descended from men with poor fashion sense who liked to drink and smoke.
“We can’t believe we have finally found the missing link between men who were here before light beer,” stated Dr. Bill Garrison. “The cans of Old Milwaukee, Shlitz and Olympia are proof that man finally broke free from only a ‘tastes great’ philosophy to enter a world of beer that promised to be ‘less filling’ as well.”
Also found near the bodies were what paleontologists say are old bowling “scoresheets.” It appears before computerized scoring the bowlers used these “scoresheets” to see who would have to buy the beer after the 5th frame. The ancient codes used on these sheets are being studied in hopes of unlocking many more mysteries, like why Ray Stevens was ever allowed to record music for public consumption.
The old bowling clothes worn by our “ancestors” appear to have been made from polyester and were emblazoned with large print on the left chest, proving that men had trouble remembering each others’ names.
“Clearly, we have come a long way from these primitive predecessors,” added Dr. Garrison.
