Tuesday, May 19, 2009

No word on whether it will give you a hug...

Seattle, WA -- Microsoft will introduce a new computer operating system with voice recognition and profile recognition in the next eight months, said a company spokesman said today.

“Our profile recognition will debut to help computer users who up until now couldn’t yell at the computer and get it to respond,” explained Bob Norris, “This system will learn the users habits and knowledge in order to tailor it’s configuration to better help the computer-challenged or skip unnecessary things to help those who already are computer savvy.”

The inspiration, explained Norris, came from many hours of watching customers struggle with tasks. The computer will have a “disengage mode” in which a hard shell cover will be triggered if the computer feels it is in danger of being struck with a blunt object or shoved off the desk it is sitting on.

A walk-through for the media showed the operating system asking questions such as, “What are you trying to do, can I help?” with statements such as, “Hey, come back, I think we can figure this out” and “I don’t think this is my fault and you need to put the baseball bat down.”

A Beta version should be availabe in early 2010.