He won’t mind if you watch Lifetime, the Food Network or TLC!
He’ll take out the garbage, mow the lawn and clean out the gutters!*
Want flowers on occasion? No problem!
And the toilet seat will be where YOU left it!
The perfect man? No, he doesn’t exist. But this is the next best thing. Our labs have produced the most realistic dummy (and you can call him that if you like) ever produced for domestic use.
He’ll sit on the couch (or the floor if you prefer) with a smile on his face while you watch Jon and Kate air out their problems, while you channel surf between the Iron Chef America and Dancing with the Stars and he won’t say a thing…and since his expression will never change, you can be sure he won’t be thinking anything either.
Every once in a while, you’ll receive flowers or a card in the mail from him…and he’ll expect nothing in return. He won’t even ask if you got them.
Just send $1249.95 to Perfect Man, PO Box 11239, Elm Ridge City, AK, 45669. Expect 2 to 3 weeks for shipping. You’ll receive a life-like plastic replica, but without the smells and complications of a real man. You’ll be billed $27.50 a month to cover expenses, such as flowers, cards and personal notes from that special someone that never complains, belches, or comes home late.
(If you would prefer to do without the hassle of the actual mannequin, just let us know and we’ll bill you $27.50 per month...just put you want "the perks minus the guy package" on your order form.)
Either way, the perfect man is only a phone call away!
*well, actually, he won’t
