March 12, 1726
From his majesty King George I of England, Windsor Castle, England SR4 to his majesty Louis XV of France, The Palace @ Versailles
Cher Louis Cans,
Comment ca va mon frere? Ca va bien ici.
If I didn’t tell you before, congrats on your marriage to Marie. She’s a great girl. I hope the polish jokes have stopped around court.
I have big news. Sophie and I were talking the other night and we’ve decided to move the English Monarchy to the New World. We’ve got all this land over in America and I think it’s time we built something over there before we get too old (or the Jacobites behead us) to enjoy it.
So next week we are loading up and sailing for Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. No more crappy weather 10½ months a year, no more fish and chips for every meal. We’ll send our new address after we get settled.
It doesn’t make any sense to us to hold on to this pathetic rock in the middle of the North Atlantic when we’ve got all this land over there.
Also, it’s possible the people over there may decide to try to revolt and make their own country if we aren’t there to repress them. Where would we be then? If they did go independent, eventually we might need THEM to pull our fat out of the fire in a war or something. They’d probably get arrogant and hold it over our heads for years. And we don’t need that.
We’ll make some changes when we get there, like “New England” and “New York” will go back to just “England” and “York.”
I’m sure it will be tough on the kids, but they’ll make new friends.
As far as the land here goes, you can have it. We’ve been fighting over it for years. C’est la vie. It’s yours. Maybe you can go there during the summer when it is nice (early July to mid July would be our recommendation) or just keep it for when you need refuge during a Revolution. Believe me, living here beats being beheaded. Not by much, but it’s worth consideration.
Anyway, good luck with everything.
A la prochaine fois,
George
P.S….I heard you recently moved out to the Palace at Versailles from the place in town. Did you give any more consideration to that Museum idea? You could display a bunch of worthless junk there for people to look at, like armless statues and paintings of Leonardo DiVinci in drag. You might even be able to sell tickets, if you marketed the whole thing properly….
