Dear Pastor,
We enjoyed church this Sunday and look forward to years of attending. We just have a few observations/suggestions:
1. With two small children, it appears that we will need some more space. If you could rope off our row, we would appreciate it. Also, while you are at it, the kids seemed to bother both the people in front of us and the folk behind us. So if it wouldn’t be any trouble, just save three rows for us. We’ll sit in the middle one. Not too close to the front, please.
2. The 9:30 to 11:00 time slot is a bit difficult. After the service, no restaurants were open. Please move back the service to 11:00 to 12:00. This will help our schedule.
3. The nursery needs to be open from the start of the service. Also, please place the nursery close enough to hear a blood-curdling scream, but far enough away to not be able to hear random yelling. We think around 143 feet would be a good start for experimentation. We’ll let you know.
4. Our children need food at some point during the service. We’ll send you a list of the things they like. Nothing red or orange, please. It stains.
5. We noticed some of the parishioners kept their eyes open during prayer time. This is the time we adjust clothing and do other unmentionable maintenance. We hope this can be corrected with a congregational letter.
6. The offering plate passed too quickly for us to be able to see how much was in it, or who wrote the check for $175.47. Please let us know. We have a small wager riding on it.
7. We enjoyed the coffee and fellowship time afterward, but would like a more substantial fare. Possibly pizza and soft drinks. This will correct item #2, if implemented. You decide which way to go, it really doesn’t matter to us.
Again, we enjoyed the service and look forward to attending regularly. We will be moving to your area soon and hope that we can get a group of men over to help us move into our house. Also, let the ladies know we don’t like casseroles. Meat and potatoes only please.
Sincerely,
