First of all, the pack of coupons (no fruit basket?) came from somewhere in Connecticut…how did they know I’d just come to town here in Tennessee?
It used to be a lot of great stuff…but now…not so much…the items included:
A gift certificate for a book collection of the classics (Huckleberry Finn, Catcher in the Rye, Mein Kampf). So my gift to welcome me to the community is something that will keep me from going out to meet people? Do they want me to stay home and read?
A Home Security Company coupon. What kind of place have I moved to? Why not a coupon for bars for the windows?
ProActiv, a acne treatment program. Make your own joke.
Which brings us to the Real Country Music lyric of the day:
Hey I'm a country man...a city boy can't do the things I can...I can grow my own groceries and salt cure a ham...I can hotwire your tractor and plow up your land...Why don't you come and join me in my new deerstand...Hey baby I'm a country man
Anyway, the Welcome Wagon, once a pillar of society as a way to welcome a person to town without having to actually meet them and have a conversation, seems pretty useless.
But I have a way for them to gain their rightful place in society again. They need to be the source of useful information.
Such as:
1. The location of the liquor store
2. The name of an honest mechanic and/or contractor, if there is one
3. A dossier of the secret lives of your neighbors, so you don’t have to waste time wondering.
4. and whether the local Pizza Hut is a legitimate restaurant or a cesspool of bad food and service.
And instead of mailing it to me, can't someone at least come to the house, ring my doorbell and run away?
