I got an email from the mortgage underwriter today (we close Thursday) asking me if I had a job in the time since I left the Dominican Republic and July 1, when I started working at the radio station.
These are the same people (underwriters) that gave anyone (and everyone) 125% of the value of their home for the last 10 years and have now begun to wonder what they were thinking when they did that.
Since my last day of vacation from Casa de Campo was May 31 and I began working by doing a baseball game on the radio on June 27, there was a total of 26 days I was “out of work.”
Bringing us to our Real Country Music lyric of the day: Whiskeys too rough, champagne costs too much, and vodka puts my mouth in gear…Aw, this little refrain should help me explain as a matter of fact I love beer.
Anyway, of course, I wasn’t out of work, I was on vacation. But they want to know what I did for the time in between and whether I had a job during the interim.
So, being cooperative like I am, I sent them a resume of my “employment gap.”
1. I drank 31.5 beers.
2. I went to the Outback Steakhouse four times.
3. I’ve been to Sonic 11 times. I just love the Cranberry Limeade.
4. I went for a walk one day and it rained.
5. I showered daily, for the most part.
6. I watched Godfather III. This was the occasion of the half beer, when I feel asleep during the fourth hour. Beer is not a good accompaniment for this movie. Try coffee instead.
7. I posted many inane musings to my blog. If someone out there could send me some cash, I could tell these idiots that I was a professional writer for the 26 days of destitution I endured.
Now, they’ll either leave me alone or I’ll be apologizing.
