Once upon a time there were three pigs.
(Actually, there were a lot more, but this story is only about these three.)
When it came time for them to go out into the world (and since they weren’t slaughtered upon reaching adulthood…a world of vegetarians, I suppose) the first pig built a house of straw. This was a fine idea until the landowners association found out about the substandard materials he had used and made him huff and puff and, well, you know the rest.
The second pig built a house of sticks, hoping to flip it quickly. However, the housing market tanked and he lost his hamhocks.
I know this is riveting, but we must take time out for the Real Country Music lyric of the day:
Mama was a looker
Lord, how she shined
Papa was a good'n
But the jealous kind
Papa loved Mama
Mama loved men
Mama's in the graveyard
Papa's in the pen
Anyway, the third pig found a great realtor and a great mortgage company. He signed a contract on a fine house of bricks. The local people were great. All was moving smoothly as closing day approached.
About a week before it was time to close, the out-of-town underwriter in wolf’s clothing (or was it an out-of-town wolf in underwriter’s clothing?) called his employers four different times to see if he had a job…they told him at the last minute that he couldn’t write a personal check (even though he had asked about much earlier), and that he had to get a cashiers check. Then, the out-of-town underwriter asked the pig to sign a copy of an email the pig had sent to them two days earlier detailing his work history. Then, the out-of-town underwriter asked for another employment verification…this time from someone who didn’t have the same last name as the pig, even though the pig’s family owned the company, for pete’s sake.
But the pig kept cool. He took the high road. He smiled (and we all know how hard that is for him). He was grateful for the help he got from his new neighbors, the local people who helped him out. And he spoke no ill of the out-of-town underwriters, except on his blog, where he even-handedly told his story in a way that presented the facts and let the reader decide, save for a “pete’s sake” at the end of the story, which is understandable.
And of course, they all lived happily ever after.
